New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby TigerStripes » Mon Aug 04, 2014 6:58 am

Kln95130 wrote:Okay, so after some rewriting and testing, here is the second version of the Monkey King.

Among other things, there are :
* an alternative intro if the player has a MK body
* the player can choose a "soft" or "hard" victory scenes, which influences the next intro
* an alternative loss scene, and variations with anal in the loss scenes
* Preference check for gender change

I'm sure there is still a lot I can do, like an idea I have about how much you go hard or soft on him influencing more things, but is the current result satisfying for you?

I did a quick scan through of your submission and I have a couple of points to raise and have made a few adjustments.
- The preference check for gender change should not be done as part of the initial table creation. While this would mean it need only be done once, it does not allow for that preference to ever change. Should someone start the game with a given preference or none at all, but then later change it through use of the Vet Supplies event at the Zoo or some other occurrence, your code would not be able to correct for this. As such, this is why it is always placed in the description section for the creature. Any such setup material should go there for a creature, as it's pretty much the first thing processed at the start of any fight. I've made this adjustment.
- I'm curious why some of his dialog is in italics. I'm guessing it has something to do with that 'regal voice' thing you mention on occasion, but it may need a little added clarification (first usage for any scene with it) or it can be switched to match the formatting of the rest of the game and rely more fully on descriptive text on how he's talking/acting, either emphasizing when he's using it with added bravado or it's slipped entirely because you've thrown him off his game.
- Another location which might be more suitable for him would be the Urban Forest, being a monkey and all that, though that one has a high density of high level males already.
- I've renamed the infection name simply to "Monkey", as the player isn't themselves becoming the Monkey King. By referring to the Monkey King as such during the scenes, that remains established, but the player isn't becoming him or another Monkey King themselves. It also spares issues where a female-locked player is becoming a 'king'.
- His stats ended up making him a bit of a wimp for his level, especially when compared to many of the other Museum critters. I've bumped up his dex considerably, making him much more agile.
- I added links to the player consent check during victory for increase ease of use for mobile/mouse players.
- I've also added "Monkey" to the vore exclusion list, as we don't want him (as a unique foe) to get eaten by the player.
- I corrected a bunch of typos and have sent it along for activation. You can always make more additions and corrections to it going forward.
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Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Kln95130 » Mon Aug 04, 2014 7:19 am

Thanks for this review:

[*] Got it. Since the critter table is only filled once, it's better to put any dynamic changes in the fight intro / description. I'll check your adjustment to see how you did it.

[*] The italic in dialogs is actually something I'm used to do in order to stress dialog apart from narration. If you prefer me to keep the normal font, no problem. I'll switch to full description and try to base myself on talking monsters like the Wrestling Wolf.
Since we're on the subject, I also always put titles (book titles, shop names, etc.) in italic. Should I keep this practice here or do I put everything in roman type?

[*] As the game main writer and "director", I let you judge on that. In my opinion Museum seems the best location for him, as he's being based on a fictionnal character and there is already the ninja cats to give an "asian" cachet to the place. That doesn't mean I cannot write another kind of monkey encounter for the Urban Jungle after this one.

[*] Indeed, that sounds better. Also, the "Monkey" infection could be used elsewhere.

[*] I must admit that since it's my first monster, I based his stats on some lvl 10 critters I found in the extensions, so I was half-expecting remaining balance problems. I guess this will simply get better by writing more things

[*] Duly noted for asterisks

[*] Sorry about the typos. Since English is not my native language, I feared there would still be some remaining. I'll try to be more rigorous and use my Harold's Dictionary instead of Google. :-p
Current projects done:
Monkey King v1

List of ideas:
Content for the milker at the Farm
Mecha Collector
Macaque gang
Plant Pods
Monkey King v2

Currently on:
Pursuer for Trevor Labs
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Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby TigerStripes » Mon Aug 04, 2014 8:41 am

Kln95130 wrote:<Monkey King response>

I think we've used single quote marks or simply capitalization in the rare instances when that's been needed. Aside from a few rare instances, books aren't named in the game and neither are most stores/locations.
Code: Select all
Back at the Sweet Tooth candy shop, you find that the ferrets have settled down and are back to their cute, playful selves...

The Museum's fine. I was just putting that out there as another option as there had been discussion earlier about it and the forest hadn't been mentioned.

Don't worry too much about not being able to do the creature balancing. The balancing in the game is still rather wonky and I don't expect most devs to do it on their own. Even I have to fudge it around. I do plan to eventually work out some kind of system for creature levels, but that's a lot of math to sort out. I have a vague model and rule set in my head and I just go by feel from there. Give it your best shot by looking at the other critters of comparable levels in the area and of equal level elsewhere and make a judgement call based on whether you want the creature to be tough (hp), strong (dam) or agile (dex). It shouldn't really good at all three - that'd mean it needs to instead be a higher level. And you can always ask us to take a look at it after. Just tell us what sort of combatant it should be and we'll tweak it to fit.

The typos weren't that bad and would easily be caught by a spell checker. A program Wahn's introduced us to for coding (Notepad++) does auto-spellchecking and has a few handy features especially for coding. I'd recommend using either it (for this and a few other features) or Inform7's built in system (as it colour codes various parts of the code). Alternatively, you can copy and paste your document into a text editor (such as Word or WP) to see what it finds - just don't save it that way, as you'll end up including all those file formats codes as well. Gotta be plain old text.
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Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Kln95130 » Tue Aug 05, 2014 2:08 am

Thanks for all your advice. :-)
I'll use my experience to try a new creature.
It will be named (for now), the Pursuer: a bulky, four-armed, multi-cocked monstrosity that roams the Trevor Labs.

What I plan to do is the critter itself, and an event that centers on it. Basically, the player will have to run from the Pursuer, and have to choose where to go several times.
The pursuit will have either of the three conclusions:
[*]The Pursuer catches up the player; I'll see what's better but either there is no fight and directly the smut scene, or an hopeless fight
[*]The player manages to lose the Pursuer
[*] If a condition is met, the player manages to weaken the Pursuer and a fight engages.

My current plan is :
[*] V1 : Write the Pursuer as if it were a normal critter
[*] V2 : build the pursuit event; so that even if I give up on this part because X or Y, the core encounter can still be added to the game.
Current projects done:
Monkey King v1

List of ideas:
Content for the milker at the Farm
Mecha Collector
Macaque gang
Plant Pods
Monkey King v2

Currently on:
Pursuer for Trevor Labs
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Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:45 am

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Wahn » Tue Aug 05, 2014 2:25 am

Since this new creature is meant as something to run away from, I would suggest a multi-step event leading up to its first encounter. You know, finding its destroyed containment cell, helf-destroyed documentation, hearing its roars at it hunts down and violates someone else (with the opportunity to watch), seeing it fight someone and regenerate almost instantaneously, ...

The player should be able to know that it`s time to run without the need to undo a turn after being beaten down in a hopeless fight. And some tension buildup fits our horror section too...
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Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Kln95130 » Tue Aug 05, 2014 2:42 am

That's a good idea.
I'll put that as well in my plans for V2.

Also, I plan to add during the pursuit different kind of checks that will help the player if succeeded. I want to make it like this:
* First encounter: your level is not enough, you don't know what to do -> you are bound to get raped
* A few encounters after that: your stats are better, you start to recognize the signs of what is a good decision or not, you shake the monster off most of the time
* X encounters: you know what to do and have high-enough stats to decide what you want to do with the monster

For the warning, I plan on having either a consent check, or a fight with so unrealistic max HP the player knows it's not worth fighting (like 500 HP or the like)
Current projects done:
Monkey King v1

List of ideas:
Content for the milker at the Farm
Mecha Collector
Macaque gang
Plant Pods
Monkey King v2

Currently on:
Pursuer for Trevor Labs
Kln95130
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:45 am

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby TigerStripes » Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:36 am

Kln95130 wrote:<Pursuer>

Given how someone could hack their own saveword or simply play in hard mode long enough, no creature can ever be too powerful to fight for someone without essentially bypassing the fight system entirely.
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Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Savriss » Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:41 am

Please make sure this is either skippable, bannable or beatable. It'll be a little disjointed when being able to beat everything in the game (including the nightmare, the hyena matriarch, the viking chieftan, the skunk lord and several dragons in one go) and then being made to auto-lose 'because plot'.
Pygmalion, craft me my own Galatea!
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Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Wahn » Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:53 am

I`d recommend making this creature a very strong, but ultimately beatable monster (for very stong players with medkits and weapons). Most players should fail, but its frustrating if the outcome is forced no matter how strong the player is.
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Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Savriss » Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:03 am

Even having the monster be unbeatable through inherent regeneration or armour, so the player is locked in a standoff where they must either lose or decide to beat a tactical retreat in order to find a way of bringing down the monster, would be interesting.
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