New Writer Submission

Re: New Writer Submission

Postby Wahn » Mon Aug 04, 2014 3:03 pm

Xenophiliac wrote:I'm also looking for advice or recommendations on where to go from here, and whether or not I should start another project immediately. Don't know if waiting for large amounts of feedback is necessary, or if I can just start chugging through another project.


Sadly, feedback is mainly nonexistent... I guess people are a bit shy on chatting freely about a porn game :roll:

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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby TigerStripes » Mon Aug 04, 2014 7:59 pm

I had to redo some of the changes that I'd made, such as the dex increase, the de-capitalization of 'aquatic' in the type entry and fixing the punctuation in the transformation related entries. If something like this happens again, please be sure to make the corresponding adjustments to your file before sending it along. Thanks.

I also spotted some new issues relating to your use of [if...] within say statements:
- Should an internal [if...] clause close out with sentence ending punctuation (. ! or ? or .' !' or ?'), Inform will add a line break to it automatically, thereby unintentionally breaking up your paragraph. The same thing will happen if one of those immediately comes before the [if...] begins one. This is why I tend to begin them by bringing the period from the sentence before into the clause and bumping out the period from the end of it.
- As well, you've got a paragraph where a large chunk of it is separated into [if player is dominant]...[otherwise]...[end if] only to be immediately followed by a new clause of [if player is dominant]...[otherwise]...[end if]. It still works fine, but they may as well be put together.
- Another paragraph you've made starts with a single sentence and then the remainder is fully divided up by one large [if player is dominant]...[otherwise]...[end if] clause. You may as well have just made that into two separate paragraphs by breaking up the 'otherwise' preceding it into 'otherwise if player is dominant' and 'otherwise'.

Also, one point that I forgot. Please make sure the file name and the extension name match. If you name your file 'Hermaid.i7x' then your extension should be 'Hermaid by Xenophilia begins here.' and 'Hermaid ends here.' While this won't cause an issue on your end, it is a problem for Nuku and his compiling.
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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby Xenophiliac » Mon Aug 04, 2014 9:08 pm

I had to redo some of the changes that I'd made, such as the dex increase, the de-capitalization of 'aquatic' in the type entry and fixing the punctuation in the transformation related entries. If something like this happens again, please be sure to make the corresponding adjustments to your file before sending it along. Thanks.


Could've sworn I made sure to check those exact issues before I uploaded the file, wonder if I forgot to save it :/. Thanks again for going through that.

I also spotted some new issues relating to your use of [if...] within say statements:
- Should an internal [if...] clause close out with sentence ending punctuation (. ! or ? or .' !' or ?'), Inform will add a line break to it automatically, thereby unintentionally breaking up your paragraph. The same thing will happen if one of those immediately comes before the [if...] begins one. This is why I tend to begin them by bringing the period from the sentence before into the clause and bumping out the period from the end of it.
- As well, you've got a paragraph where a large chunk of it is separated into [if player is dominant]...[otherwise]...[end if] only to be immediately followed by a new clause of [if player is dominant]...[otherwise]...[end if]. It still works fine, but they may as well be put together.
- Another paragraph you've made starts with a single sentence and then the remainder is fully divided up by one large [if player is dominant]...[otherwise]...[end if] clause. You may as well have just made that into two separate paragraphs by breaking up the 'otherwise' preceding it into 'otherwise if player is dominant' and 'otherwise'.


I can't say my coding has ever been extremely efficient, but I figure i'll be able to get more efficient as time goes on. Didn't know that Inform automatically added a line break when an if statement ended with punctuation, thats good to know.

Also, one point that I forgot. Please make sure the file name and the extension name match. If you name your file 'Hermaid.i7x' then your extension should be 'Hermaid by Xenophilia begins here.' and 'Hermaid ends here.' While this won't cause an issue on your end, it is a problem for Nuku and his compiling.


Could've sworn I checked for that too :~:'

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I'll finally check that out real quick and fill it out, but I honestly don't mind taking a crack at almost anything.
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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby Xenophiliac » Wed Aug 06, 2014 8:18 pm

Alright, here is my "mostly" finished next submission. I decided to make a store for the mall, a clothing shop for the mall. Offers a few selections of clothing outfits, more to hopefully show up.
The store is run by an NPC with some written talk options and a few F/F scenes.

However, there is one major problem, and a few possible minor ones.

-Firstly, I want to use a selection menu for scenes similar to Tunalord Sefont's Feral Sea Dragon/ess. I browsed through the code, and thought I had gotten everything right, but anytime any number is entered, even numbers used for selecting choices, it displays the "invalid" screen. I've no idea how to have the players choice go through, while everything else presents the invalid screen.
-------If there isn't a way to take an integer input from the player and replace a defined variable with that number, all within an if statement, i'm going to slug someone. Every language ive seen has that. :x

-I'm not sure if my infinite number stack prevention works, if someone could check that, that'd be great.

-Thirdly, I just need the command for passing time when a talk/fuck action occurs.

I think that's all off the top of my head. I went through and tested the talk scenes and the ability to purchase things, and they worked. I think I made sure that FS's stuff was accounted for. I just need help with those few, and ill update this.

On a less salty note, i'm up for outfit suggestions if people know anything about fashion/clothes. I don't, so there's just a few basic outfits. And hopefully i uploaded the right version ;-;
Last edited by Xenophiliac on Thu Aug 07, 2014 11:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby Wahn » Thu Aug 07, 2014 4:01 am

Just reading your file...

- Depending if the player fixes or doesn`t fix the power plant and lines, the mall has/hasn`t got power. You will need to account for that.
- The mall is a designated safe area, complete with wolverine guards. So people would not need to expect attack on the player entering the store.
- Might need some more WaitLineBreaks to divide up the text more. (I`ll have to check this on my normal screen, could be an erroneous impression from reading on this smartphone.
- You got some non-capitalized "i" in the text. (Will run a spellchecker over it later too)

Maybe let her react to other types of milk being offered. She might not like em, or react in some other way...
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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby Xenophiliac » Thu Aug 07, 2014 10:00 am

- Depending if the player fixes or doesn`t fix the power plant and lines, the mall has/hasn`t got power. You will need to account for that.

-Totally forgot that was a thing, ill fix that.
The mall is a designated safe area, complete with wolverine guards. So people would not need to expect attack on the player entering the store.

-Ill switch that up real quick
Might need some more WaitLineBreaks to divide up the text more. (I`ll have to check this on my normal screen, could be an erroneous impression from reading on this smartphone.

-Ill throw a few more in there
You got some non-capitalized "i" in the text

-Ill look through it real quick
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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby Wahn » Thu Aug 07, 2014 10:10 am

The specific notifications when the power is on you'll have to look up in the mall building's code - not sure where that is exactly, I'm afraid. I think it was added on to something else. Might check the power plant...
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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby Xenophiliac » Thu Aug 07, 2014 11:01 am

The specific notifications when the power is on you'll have to look up in the mall building's code - not sure where that is exactly, I'm afraid. I think it was added on to something else. Might check the power plant...


Yea, I went through and found it. Also put the code through a few spell-checkers, and that got the de-capitalizations and other spelling mistakes I made. Who would've thought that writing tired would have people make mistakes :/

I'm going to make sure that the code I added for the powerplant/allowing different types of milk to be accepted worked, and i'll upload the new file with an edit to this post.

Edit: Grammar/inconsistencies fixed & I've started working on 2(?) creatures for the sealed labs, and possibly a related event or two
Last edited by Xenophiliac on Sat Aug 09, 2014 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby TigerStripes » Thu Aug 07, 2014 6:01 pm

Xenophiliac wrote:<Pretty Kitty>

I've given the Pretty Kitty file a quick examination and made a few corrections and updates, listed below pretty. Overall though, the material and content itself seems good, though I didn't get an opportunity to fully go over the sex scenes, but they seem fairly well sized and come in a few options, so I expect you're good there. Once the corrections are made and any further additions you wish to make are taken care of, I expect she'll be ready to go.

I've clumped the points into a few sections based on their nature:

General scene points:
- You might want to have Andromeda introduce herself when the player first arrives at the store, as suddenly her name is known upon returning even though it's not given during her conversation either.
- The gender breakdown during her first dialog scene starts with 'mister' for [if player is male]. This will trigger for both male and herm players as the definition for 'male' checks for whether the player has a cock or not. Just advising, but my usual thinking's been that the breasts typically going with herms would be more noticeable and so I go with [if player is female] option first when not splitting them all up.
- Just to be certain, Andromeda's sex scenes start by checking if the player is female (so female or herm). I take it then she's only interested in lesbian lovers or is the M/F not yet written. I have no problem with there being another lesbian character in the game, though be advised that some players will end up asking for some straight fun with her.

Player input for sex:
- the "get a number" subroutine returns the inputted number by the player into the variable "calcnumber". You can then use calcnumber as needed.
- After listing the possible options, the "Choice?" displays the options as being 0-3, but your selections are 1-4. Personally, I'd advise to swap the 4 (Nevermind) over to zero and adjusting the rest accordingly. That way, should more options be added, zero will always remain as opting out.

Shopping actions and objects:
- It's possible that having your action simply be "blouse" / "tuxedo" / etc... will be confusing for the game, either when players are trying to wear/remove their object or (for the blouse) deal with "Janice's blouse" for Kristen's story arc. Also, why not simply go with "buy blouse", etc?
- Yes, you can make links for each of the purchase actions. Again, I'd recommend going with "buy <x>".
- Having the action and object both have identical names is almost guaranteed to cause an error. This is why we tend to make actions by adding '-ing' onto the end, verbing them. "Blouse" and "Tuxedo" in particular are issues, but it's best to stick to the same formatting for all actions.
- Your current actions have no restrictions on them. As far as the game knows, you can input 'summer' anywhere in the game and be given the option to buy the summer outfit. You need a 'check summering' step that checks on the player's location/Andromeda's presence.
- Object names should be lower case.
- Basic clothing items should not have an AC or effectiveness value. If you don't put in values for them, the game defaults them to zero.
- There are a bunch of other milks out there, though you probably don't want to write a special version for each. That said, some generalization can be done by checking if an object is "milky" and inserting its name into the scene.
- Distilled milk is actually in powdered milk form, though you can have her mix it w/water before drinking.

Typos and other text issues:
- Minor typos: "I've" and "I'd", not "i've" and "i'd". "I" and its related contractions are always capitalized.
- Minor typo: It should be "keep goin[']." and not "keep goin'. " You've got an apostrophe on one end of a word, which Inform will turn into a quotation mark. As well, there is a space after the period, which will cause Inform to continue that paragraph, appending the next say statement onto the end of it.
- Your "'harrumphs'" and "'EEPs'" and so on also have apostrophes on either side, which Inform will convert into quotation marks. Not sure if that's what's intended or not, but I felt it best to advise you as it's similar to the above.
- Minor type: "In between questions" instead of "In Between questions"
- The description for the Pretty Kitty entrance did not contain an [end if] at the end. It would still function (as Inform expects and automatically treats the end of the say statement as including one if needed). I'm mainly pointing this out so the marker is there should someone wish to add more to the entrance description or to other say statements where this might occur.
- Do not use tab marks to indent the text within a say statement. Inform does not interpret these. The standard we've been using is 5 spaces. I'd meant to mention that originally, but forgot to do so.
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Re: New Writer Submission

Postby Xenophiliac » Thu Aug 07, 2014 6:24 pm

- You might want to have Andromeda introduce herself when the player first arrives at the store, as suddenly her name is known upon returning even though it's not given during her conversation either.
- The gender breakdown during her first dialog scene starts with 'mister' for [if player is male]. This will trigger for both male and herm players as the definition for 'male' checks for whether the player has a cock or not. Just advising, but my usual thinking's been that the breasts typically going with herms would be more noticeable and so I go with [if player is female] option first when not splitting them all up.
- Just to be certain, Andromeda's sex scenes start by checking if the player is female (so female or herm). I take it then she's only interested in lesbian lovers or is the M/F not yet written. I have no problem with there being another lesbian character in the game, though be advised that some players will end up asking for some straight fun with her.

Did not know that it counted Herm as female/male in certain situations, i'll go through and fix that, if you didn't get it already. I have GitGUI set up, and figured that all out, so i can make revisions and automatically make a pull request. I wouldn't be necessarily opposed to straight fun, but i'd want to see how much people want it first.

- the "get a number" subroutine returns the inputted number by the player into the variable "calcnumber". You can then use calcnumber as needed.
- After listing the possible options, the "Choice?" displays the options as being 0-3, but your selections are 1-4. Personally, I'd advise to swap the 4 (Nevermind) over to zero and adjusting the rest accordingly. That way, should more options be added, zero will always remain as opting out.

It seems really weird to me that they won't let a coder name their own variable for it, but at least there is one.

Shopping actions and objects:
- It's possible that having your action simply be "blouse" / "tuxedo" / etc... will be confusing for the game, either when players are trying to wear/remove their object or (for the blouse) deal with "Janice's blouse" for Kristen's story arc. Also, why not simply go with "buy blouse", etc?
- Yes, you can make links for each of the purchase actions. Again, I'd recommend going with "buy <x>".
- Having the action and object both have identical names is almost guaranteed to cause an error. This is why we tend to make actions by adding '-ing' onto the end, verbing them. "Blouse" and "Tuxedo" in particular are issues, but it's best to stick to the same formatting for all actions.
- Your current actions have no restrictions on them. As far as the game knows, you can input 'summer' anywhere in the game and be given the option to buy the summer outfit. You need a 'check summering' step that checks on the player's location/Andromeda's presence.
- Object names should be lower case.
- Basic clothing items should not have an AC or effectiveness value. If you don't put in values for them, the game defaults them to zero.
- There are a bunch of other milks out there, though you probably don't want to write a special version for each. That said, some generalization can be done by checking if an object is "milky" and inserting its name into the scene.
- Distilled milk is actually in powdered milk form, though you can have her mix it w/water before drinking.


I did go with "buy <x>" as a recognizable initiation of the action, but running through it with a character, anytime i inputted "buy <x>", it stated that there was nothing there to buy. I don't know if something was triggering wrong, or if there was another "buy" command that superseded my individual buy command. That might be fixed by putting action checks.
I'll go through and -ing everything up, and make action checks. For some reason, I figured that it only activated in the room that they were present in. No idea why.
I'll erase the AC/Effectiveness, didn't know if it was necessary or not.

- Minor typos: "I've" and "I'd", not "i've" and "i'd". "I" and its related contractions are always capitalized.
- Minor typo: It should be "keep goin[']." and not "keep goin'. " You've got an apostrophe on one end of a word, which Inform will turn into a quotation mark. As well, there is a space after the period, which will cause Inform to continue that paragraph, appending the next say statement onto the end of it.
- Your "'harrumphs'" and "'EEPs'" and so on also have apostrophes on either side, which Inform will convert into quotation marks. Not sure if that's what's intended or not, but I felt it best to advise you as it's similar to the above.
- Minor type: "In between questions" instead of "In Between questions"
- The description for the Pretty Kitty entrance did not contain an [end if] at the end. It would still function (as Inform expects and automatically treats the end of the say statement as including one if needed). I'm mainly pointing this out so the marker is there should someone wish to add more to the entrance description or to other say statements where this might occur.
- Do not use tab marks to indent the text within a say statement. Inform does not interpret these. The standard we've been using is 5 spaces. I'd meant to mention that originally, but forgot to do so.

Thought I fixed all the "I" typos, and ill go through and ['] everything that needs it.

-----------------
~2:00 AM, 8/8/14
Alright, the majority of those have been fixed. I haven't made a check for any item containing the word "milk" or any kind of milky item, as i'd need the code for that & all relevant items, but i can add that later. Otherwise, everything else is basically fixed. I decided against linking each individual item, as if any more outfits were added, it would probably be too much clutter. Regarding the buy issue, I don't know if I7 had some intrinsic buy command that interacted with anything relating to "Outfit", or if FS had something of the sort, but once i changed the relevant "outfit" words to "set", the buy command worked (I tested 2 "buy x set" commands). I cleaned up everything else, & thanks a ton for going through and helping out. I'll probably expand more on Andromeda at a later point, but I can't think of substantial talk scenes at the moment. I'd be up for suggestions, regarding that and other things to work on. Otherwise, I'll probably have a creature for the labs up tomorrow.
Last edited by Xenophiliac on Sat Aug 09, 2014 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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