Xenophiliac wrote:<Pretty Kitty>
I've given the Pretty Kitty file a quick examination and made a few corrections and updates, listed below pretty. Overall though, the material and content itself seems good, though I didn't get an opportunity to fully go over the sex scenes, but they seem fairly well sized and come in a few options, so I expect you're good there. Once the corrections are made and any further additions you wish to make are taken care of, I expect she'll be ready to go.
I've clumped the points into a few sections based on their nature:
General scene points:
- You might want to have Andromeda introduce herself when the player first arrives at the store, as suddenly her name is known upon returning even though it's not given during her conversation either.
- The gender breakdown during her first dialog scene starts with 'mister' for [if player is male]. This will trigger for both male and herm players as the definition for 'male' checks for whether the player has a cock or not. Just advising, but my usual thinking's been that the breasts typically going with herms would be more noticeable and so I go with [if player is female] option first when not splitting them all up.
- Just to be certain, Andromeda's sex scenes start by checking if the player is female (so female or herm). I take it then she's only interested in lesbian lovers or is the M/F not yet written. I have no problem with there being another lesbian character in the game, though be advised that some players will end up asking for some straight fun with her.
Player input for sex:
- the "get a number" subroutine returns the inputted number by the player into the variable "calcnumber". You can then use calcnumber as needed.
- After listing the possible options, the "Choice?" displays the options as being 0-3, but your selections are 1-4. Personally, I'd advise to swap the 4 (Nevermind) over to zero and adjusting the rest accordingly. That way, should more options be added, zero will always remain as opting out.
Shopping actions and objects:
- It's possible that having your action simply be "blouse" / "tuxedo" / etc... will be confusing for the game, either when players are trying to wear/remove their object or (for the blouse) deal with "Janice's blouse" for Kristen's story arc. Also, why not simply go with "buy blouse", etc?
- Yes, you can make links for each of the purchase actions. Again, I'd recommend going with "buy <x>".
- Having the action and object both have identical names is almost guaranteed to cause an error. This is why we tend to make actions by adding '-ing' onto the end, verbing them. "Blouse" and "Tuxedo" in particular are issues, but it's best to stick to the same formatting for all actions.
- Your current actions have no restrictions on them. As far as the game knows, you can input 'summer' anywhere in the game and be given the option to buy the summer outfit. You need a 'check summering' step that checks on the player's location/Andromeda's presence.
- Object names should be lower case.
- Basic clothing items should not have an AC or effectiveness value. If you don't put in values for them, the game defaults them to zero.
- There are a bunch of other milks out there, though you probably don't want to write a special version for each. That said, some generalization can be done by checking if an object is "milky" and inserting its name into the scene.
- Distilled milk is actually in powdered milk form, though you can have her mix it w/water before drinking.
Typos and other text issues:
- Minor typos: "I've" and "I'd", not "i've" and "i'd". "I" and its related contractions are always capitalized.
- Minor typo: It should be "keep goin[']." and not "keep goin'. " You've got an apostrophe on one end of a word, which Inform will turn into a quotation mark. As well, there is a space after the period, which will cause Inform to continue that paragraph, appending the next say statement onto the end of it.
- Your "'harrumphs'" and "'EEPs'" and so on also have apostrophes on either side, which Inform will convert into quotation marks. Not sure if that's what's intended or not, but I felt it best to advise you as it's similar to the above.
- Minor type: "In between questions" instead of "In Between questions"
- The description for the Pretty Kitty entrance did not contain an [end if] at the end. It would still function (as Inform expects and automatically treats the end of the say statement as including one if needed). I'm mainly pointing this out so the marker is there should someone wish to add more to the entrance description or to other say statements where this might occur.
- Do not use tab marks to indent the text within a say statement. Inform does not interpret these. The standard we've been using is 5 spaces. I'd meant to mention that originally, but forgot to do so.