New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Kln95130 » Sat Aug 02, 2014 5:26 am

Hi everyone. Following Wahn's instructions in the Writer check-in thread, I'm opening this thread here.

First, I'd like to present myself:
Nickname's Kln. I'm a 25 yo guy from France, and a big fan of Flexible Survival. Inspired by the game, I practiced a little with Inform and even made a small game in which you would throw a dice and advance in a board-like "maze" with different kind of events.
So, when I saw the ad, I told myself "Heck, why not :p"

I hope I will earn your trust and not let you down ^^

Here is a list of my favourite things, coming straight from my post in the check-in thread:
[*]Rubber/Encasement: the Bouncy Castle is by far my favourite location in the game, and it'd be a pleasure to write more content similar in nature
[*]Robots/Machines
[*]Insects and plant-like enemies: flies, ants, plant pods, flowers, etc.
[*]Bizzarely-shaped ennemies: creatures with several pairs of arms, monsters with cock-tongues or dick-nipples, demons with tentacle-cocks, snake-cocks, or tentacled vaginas, etc. They would go well with either the lab underground or a new location like a haunted house or somethin horror-themed
[*]Oviposition in any degree
[*]Milking, either cock or breast, and everything that revolves around it (orgasm denial for instance)
[*]Group-sex / Gang-bang
[*]In general, muscled characters (not too muscled, though)
[*]Monkeys / Apes
[*]anything with prehensile paws or tail

Of course, I know I won't write everything at once, but if there is something with one of these kinks in it, it will be a pleasure to write it.
Other than in this forum, I can be contacted anytime on Skype, albeit I prefer not to put my contact informations right here, so PM me for this. I have a full-time job, so you'll see me on Skype more often during the evening (GMT evening, of course).

I'm kinda new here, so please tell me whether you want me do write something as a test, either something precise or one of the many ideas that trott in my head :D
Current projects done:
Monkey King v1

List of ideas:
Content for the milker at the Farm
Mecha Collector
Macaque gang
Plant Pods
Monkey King v2

Currently on:
Pursuer for Trevor Labs
Kln95130
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:45 am

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Wahn » Sat Aug 02, 2014 6:27 am

Welcome to the FS writer's corner.

Bizarrely shaped critters would be very welcome in the Trevor Labs depths, we could use some more variety down there and also a number of additional events to fill the underground with stories. It's meant as a lab with unethical research, mainly with military applications in mind (the shadow beasts and the master), but once someone opens that Pandora's box, who is to say that one or another researcher didn't start on his own little project of making a many-tentacled love slave (hidden in a dark corner somewhere). I only ask that you keep the demons out of the underground... that's our 'mad scientist" corner.
User avatar
Wahn
 
Posts: 540
Joined: Mon Dec 09, 2013 2:57 pm

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Wahn » Sat Aug 02, 2014 6:36 am

If you wanna do anything in regards to milking, maybe the Farm would be a good place to put it. There we already have a milking shed that still has power from a generator, so it's ready for business and all kinds of fun.

On the robot front, my suggestion would be to make an android (or several) who get dropped off by a helicopter or in a drop pod. They could then go around hunting down creatures to take tissue samples. The nanites are en par with magic and there surely are people outside the city who want to have access to them (believing that they can surely control them). Initially a sexless automaton (if very strong in combat), the androids could be infected themselves before long, switching from simple sample taking to more sexual methods...
User avatar
Wahn
 
Posts: 540
Joined: Mon Dec 09, 2013 2:57 pm

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Wahn » Sat Aug 02, 2014 6:42 am

As you've brought up oviposition, I wonder if you'd be interested in humorous (but still sexy) things too. We could use some.. holiday themed creatures, for example an easter bunny who hides his eggs in warm and moist openings ;)

A quick question - where on the male/female interest spectrum do you lie? Will you focus on one specific type of coupling, or is any combination good with you?
User avatar
Wahn
 
Posts: 540
Joined: Mon Dec 09, 2013 2:57 pm

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Kln95130 » Sat Aug 02, 2014 8:12 am

Wahn wrote:If you wanna do anything in regards to milking, maybe the Farm would be a good place to put it. There we already have a milking shed that still has power from a generator, so it's ready for business and all kinds of fun.

On the robot front, my suggestion would be to make an android (or several) who get dropped off by a helicopter or in a drop pod. They could then go around hunting down creatures to take tissue samples. The nanites are en par with magic and there surely are people outside the city who want to have access to them (believing that they can surely control them). Initially a sexless automaton (if very strong in combat), the androids could be infected themselves before long, switching from simple sample taking to more sexual methods...


Milking -> Sure do.
Android -> I was thinking more about a mecha, or a machine with a non-human form. What do you think about it?

Wahn wrote:As you've brought up oviposition, I wonder if you'd be interested in humorous (but still sexy) things too. We could use some.. holiday themed creatures, for example an easter bunny who hides his eggs in warm and moist openings ;)

A quick question - where on the male/female interest spectrum do you lie? Will you focus on one specific type of coupling, or is any combination good with you?


Eggs -> Why not? That could be fun ^^
M/F -> I tend to prefer male or herm monsters. Other than that, I'm ok with any kind of gender for the player.
Last edited by Kln95130 on Sat Aug 02, 2014 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
Current projects done:
Monkey King v1

List of ideas:
Content for the milker at the Farm
Mecha Collector
Macaque gang
Plant Pods
Monkey King v2

Currently on:
Pursuer for Trevor Labs
Kln95130
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:45 am

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Kln95130 » Sat Aug 02, 2014 8:24 am

On your advice, I went for another monkey-themed ennemy: the Monkey King (think Son Goku from Journey to the West, and all his erzatz like Wukong of Leagues of Legends).

Here is the first draft. I checked syntax errors with my Inform, but I'd like to proofread it (I know my writing can be very corny if I don't do that) and, more importantly, balance-test it. What extensions do I need to include a minima to test a new critter in a project file, or is there a link to a dev version?

If the result is satisfying to you, I can finish this critter, and then go for one of the other ideas you mentionned.
Attachments
MonkeyKing.rar
Template for Monkey King
(6.11 KiB) Downloaded 217 times
Current projects done:
Monkey King v1

List of ideas:
Content for the milker at the Farm
Mecha Collector
Macaque gang
Plant Pods
Monkey King v2

Currently on:
Pursuer for Trevor Labs
Kln95130
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:45 am

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Wahn » Sat Aug 02, 2014 3:22 pm

Kln95130 wrote:On your advice, I went for another monkey-themed ennemy: the Monkey King (think Son Goku from Journey to the West, and all his erzatz like Wukong of Leagues of Legends).

Here is the first draft. I checked syntax errors with my Inform, but I'd like to proofread it (I know my writing can be very corny if I don't do that) and, more importantly, balance-test it. What extensions do I need to include a minima to test a new critter in a project file, or is there a link to a dev version?

If the result is satisfying to you, I can finish this critter, and then go for one of the other ideas you mentionned.


Very nice work :) He's looking good, though there are some varied things that demand attention:

Some small code details:
- A tail entry needs to be a full sentence, including a dot at the end. (none of the other texts require a dot, with those it is automatically added)
- You can't quite use "it returns to a human form" for the cock change entry - the player might be in uninfected human shape or some other human-like form.
- Do put a 2 in the breasts entry - that's the infection's nipple count. With 2 'breasts' of size 0, the character should just have a flat chest with two nipples.
- The ' symbol is a placeholder for " in FS. Just put those around spoken words, no need to use [quotation mark].
- The Outside area already has 17(+3) creatures - and that's after efforts to relocate some to other areas. How about we put your Monkey King in an area that has less creatures and fits his character? Check viewtopic.php?f=4&t=14 for creature listings and themes for each area. The museum might fit for a mythological character, maybe the zoo too, or the high rise district if he started out in a cinema...
- Watch out for blanks at the end of your strings - if you do not end on a symbol, there will be no line break. The Loss sex with females has that problem, for example.
- When the player char gets creamed with cum, use [fimpregchance] for a impregnation chance in a pussy and [mimpregchance] for cumming in the player's ass. Just drop those directly into the text, preferably at the end of the section that has the creature cum into the player.

Writing Tips:
- Do not put any spoken words into the player character's mouth. People tend not to like that if it doesn't fit their own view of their character. If you can, describe what the char does, but do not use actual sentences in quotation marks. (Yes, I did this myself in the past, and was asked to stop)
- Try to use synonyms for things that you refer to again and again. I think there might be a bit too many "Monkey King" peppered through the sentences. Maybe things like "simian braggart", "golden-furred martial artist", etc. thrown in here and there could mix things up a bit.
- Careful with throwing in the word "ape" into this infection's text... an ape and a monkey are not the same thing. Apes have no tails, for example.
- Use "who" only to refer to people, and "which" to refer to objects. So not "He is armed with a wooden staff who seems to change sizes" but rather "He is armed with a wooden staff, which seems to change sizes". (Well, unless it's a talking, living staff with a personality.)

Extras:
- If you do want to make this creature a bit more elaborate, maybe split off reactions to specific player shapes in his interactions. For example:
Code: Select all
to say Monkeydesc:
   if bodyname of player is "Monkey King" and player is pure:
      say "     Suddenly, a small form jumps in front of you from a nearby window. As he takes up a relaxed stance, you can see that it is a golden-furred monkey dressed in an open open martial arts vest and pants. He is armed with a wooden staff which seems to change sizes when you're not looking at it.";
      say "      His bushy brows draw together in annoyance as he looks you up and down, then challenges you to your face: [quotation mark][italic type]What's this! You are not the Monkey King - I am the Monkey King! Impostor! <...more content...>";      
   otherwise:
      say "     Suddenly, a small form jumps in front of you from a nearby window. Before you stands golden-furred monkey dressed in an open open martial arts vest and pants. He is armed with a wooden staff who seems to change sizes when you're not looking at it.";
      say "      With an arrogant grin on his face, he challenges you: [quotation mark][italic type]Peasant! You are now graced by the presence of the illustrious, mighty Monkey King. Obey your betters and service me. Of course, you can also do that after I wacked you a little with my staff...[roman type][quotation mark]";


- Another point where you can get some plus point from the players is by taking their preferences into account. YOur current scenes are pretty dominant on the player side, which might not be what a submissive player can accept readily. You could split off a second version for that:

Code: Select all
if "Submissive" is listed in feats of player:   [sub players]
         say "    Text for subby players";
      otherwise:   [normal players]
         say "    Text for non-subby players";
User avatar
Wahn
 
Posts: 540
Joined: Mon Dec 09, 2013 2:57 pm

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Kln95130 » Sat Aug 02, 2014 11:13 pm

Thanks for the tips. I know I have sometimes problems with the who/which distinction, as in French there is only one relative, "qui", which litteraly means "who".
I'll work on it a little more on your advice.
Current projects done:
Monkey King v1

List of ideas:
Content for the milker at the Farm
Mecha Collector
Macaque gang
Plant Pods
Monkey King v2

Currently on:
Pursuer for Trevor Labs
Kln95130
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:45 am

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Wahn » Sat Aug 02, 2014 11:34 pm

Kln95130 wrote:Thanks for the tips. I know I have sometimes problems with the who/which distinction, as in French there is only one relative, "qui", which litteraly means "who".
I'll work on it a little more on your advice.


Your infection really is pretty good, just needs those varied small adjustments, but after that I see no problem at all in just dropping it into the main game.

Though since you're having no big problems in writing nice stuff, maybe it'd be nice to make him a bit more elaborate - as I wrote above, reactions to player shapes, scene variants with subby/dominant/kinky, etc. players (the kinky ones you could let have a bit of a foot fetish and really get into that with him). Another possibility would be to recount past encounters with the monkey king - have him say and do other things if he previously fucked the player...

Just let me know if you have any questions on how to set anything up.
User avatar
Wahn
 
Posts: 540
Joined: Mon Dec 09, 2013 2:57 pm

Re: New wannabe-writer says "Hi!" :-3

Postby Kln95130 » Sun Aug 03, 2014 10:35 am

Okay, so after some rewriting and testing, here is the second version of the Monkey King.

Among other things, there are :
* an alternative intro if the player has a MK body
* the player can choose a "soft" or "hard" victory scenes, which influences the next intro
* an alternative loss scene, and variations with anal in the loss scenes
* Preference check for gender change

I'm sure there is still a lot I can do, like an idea I have about how much you go hard or soft on him influencing more things, but is the current result satisfying for you?
Attachments
Monkey King_v2.rar
(8.82 KiB) Downloaded 165 times
Current projects done:
Monkey King v1

List of ideas:
Content for the milker at the Farm
Mecha Collector
Macaque gang
Plant Pods
Monkey King v2

Currently on:
Pursuer for Trevor Labs
Kln95130
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:45 am

Next

Return to Dev Chat

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

cron