Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby TigerStripes » Thu Nov 20, 2014 4:38 am

Thankfully, the tedious part is one-time only. After that, you only need to repeat it for any files that are updated/added. I'm hoping to provide some more direct feedback on the content itself next time.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby TigerStripes » Wed Nov 26, 2014 4:34 am

More Section 4.1

- Not sure if I mentioned it before, but paragraphs of displayed text should start with 5 spaces. This is formatting for FS, not a coding issue.
- You've got some run on sentences that you should probably break up. Early into the scene for losing against the queen, there's a paragraph where it's all one sentence, for example.
- The female scene for losing to Xanaria mentions pretty much right away that 'you will be used as a living fleshlight and experience pleasure that only a quivering slut with an addiction to xeno cum can achieve'. Unless she's telling the player this, it's a little odd to have know this right away rather than build up to it as their mind collapses into loving their fate. Just something to consider.
- Content-wise, the player loss scenes seem fine, if a little brief for special endings. Good job.
- I'll point out the 'SINGLE' again so it's not missed.
- When adding an [if][end if] into a paragraph, if that ends with a full stop punctuation ( . ? ! or any of those with an ' after it ), the code will treat it like the end of a paragraph and continue on the next line (as if you had [line break] in there). This will break up your intended paragraph. I typically include the previous period in the start of the [if] and bump the ending one out after the [end if], but careful placement of the spaces can also control this. Another alternative is to use [run paragraph on], thereby telling the code to not do a break, but instead continue uninterrupted.
- The player victory switches gears from dominance to permitting your new slave to put her egg in you. It might be better to have the player feel a strange craving or need and then ride the former queen's cock of their own accord, taking what they need from her instead. Something to consider.
- I was a little surprised to see you mention the egg switch to live birth, but I'm fine either way.
- The soldier, when you go looking for him, is he still alive or dead? I would assume dead, but you should mention that initially. Also, you've got to be pretty hard-core dead to really be dead in FS... those nanites are very persistent about healing you. Perhaps mentioning multiple holes and/or lots of acid damage to the armour would help both this and making it clear the armour's useless now.
- Also, if the soldier thing is going to be the same every time, it can be included after the rest of the scene plays out back at the base level so it need only be there once. While either works, this makes it much easier to revise, as you need only do it once. Hmm... I see it starts differently if you don't choose sex, so you'd have to break up the paragraph into two parts to do it that way.
- There's typos to fix, such as "relieve" (verb) instead of "relief" (noun/adjective) and "eachother(s)" instead of "each other" or "each other's".
- You'll need to include code telling the game to put Xen and Xera into their respective rooms and adjust the variables as needed when the player wins/loses. I mention losing because you'll want the post-ending scene to know it should give a special Xeno ending.

Sorry for the delay. Also, I hope I didn't sound too critical of your material earlier. I had allowed myself to think you were doing all the coding on your own and everything was going fine with that, which was unfair to expect of you. Your document is dauntingly huge as well, so I only focused on the errors I came across. There's a lot of good in the material and I don't think I've come across much if anything that's problematic from a writing standpoint up to now. Your time planning and discussing has clearly helped with that. You've put a lot of work into this and I do want to help you get it ready to roll. I have a lot on the go along with my own FS obligations, but I'll keep assisting you with it. Unfortunately right now, both Wahn and Blue Bishop are also quite busy, so we can't promise our full attention. As mentioned, we've got a fair bit of coding work to do on your piece, but we'll start building that up after I complete my pass through.

Thanks for your patience.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby Messorem » Sat Nov 29, 2014 10:06 pm

I don't mind waiting or the critique at all and I understand the obligations that you guys face each day, in fact I find it to be an milestone to get past in order to achieve even greater writer magnitude.

Anyway, I'll be polishing up on the document in the next couple of days and hopefully there won't be more than a few bumps in the road.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby Messorem » Fri Dec 05, 2014 10:20 am

For those of you who have been cursing my name just because I haven't provided an update on progress in a week or two I just want to say that the issues around here are really slowing down any kind of work I want to get done, the stuff that Stripes pointed out will be fixed and the scenes that have a few logical issues will be polished and posted here in a few days.

As for Stripes, commentary on the other half of the file will be greatly appreciated as I do not yet know of the level of things that need to be edited in order for it to be flawlessly integrated into the game.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby Messorem » Sun Dec 07, 2014 10:08 am

A question for all the fans of xeno porn out there. (Will only be put in if no negative comments are received)

Would you like the tail of the xeno form with the queen variant to be a blackish ovipositor if the player has at least one vagina, otherwise it will stay a bony bladed tip type tail?

The tail isn't just for aesthetics though, some scenes in the hive will be adapted towards using the ovipositor for pleasure and/or impregnation. If the player has at least one vagina and the xeno variant is of the queen while having a xeno tail then a small scene will play out where the tail will lay 1-3 xeno eggs and the eggs will be put in the inventory every ten turns or so, the eggs could then be used as food or for self impregnation if the player desires it as such. It can also still be used as a striking tail as the vaginal opening at the end is guarded by three prehensile bony spikes that encases the opening in a mechanical claw-like form.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby TigerStripes » Sun Dec 07, 2014 12:33 pm

My vote is for the ovipositor, though I'm a little eggy-biased. :) Also, going through material again now. More feedback sometime today.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby TigerStripes » Sun Dec 07, 2014 2:12 pm

Xeno Queen data:
While this could all be folded into the "Xeno" infection with some creative coding, there's little point in reworking it for little reward at the moment. Just a few little things to cover with this one though:
- Desc: The first line of the Xeno desc needs a period at the end and the indent spacing needs to be adjusted. Offhand, I do not recall how big the wyverns are, but I believe they're far bigger than the alien queen from the films. Don't change it for now, but we might need to revisit that later. Otherwise it's fine - brief, but there's little need in describing her in detail again, given the player's familiarity with her at this point.
- Infection descriptions and change msgs: While there's no need for data here, it'd be best if it did say something (like "nothing", "no data", "error" or the like). If a bug were to cause the infection to appear, having something appear would be a little easier to spot and track down than nothing at all. The same applies for the body descriptor/type entries.
- Stats: These are mostly good, though I'd suggest doing some testing with her Dex at 22 and 25 as well. I suspect it needs to be a little higher, but can't be sure w/o testing. Stats get unclear at the super-high range. You should also raise her Sta - if she's got 400 hp at lvl 25, she should have a good stamina to help explain that... maybe 20 or so. An Int of 40 is super-crazy high. Dr. Mouse's 'Albino Mouse' infection is statted at 24 and he's a crazy genius doctor. She also doesn't seem to be behaving hyper-intelligently, either. If you still want it high, bump it down to something like 18 - 20. While only dex has a direct game effect at present, it's good to set the others straight should they ever be needed in the future.

Section 4.3 - Updated Xeno data:
- There's a potential hiccup I'm noticing in your code for the auto-submission by the Xenos. Should the Xeno's attack be triggered, it'll have them auto-submit to the player and then change to the player's libido to 110 and the critter's damage to 0. This technically aborts the fight with the player (initially) being registered as losing due to excessive libido. While this would function fine for the Skunk as both loss and victory funnel a SBL player towards the special "sblvictorysex" scenes, you have a separate set for both player loss and player victory. It's been a long time since I worked on the code for this stuff, so I'm not sure whether that portion's just insurance of if it's necessary to deal with monsters that gain first strike. We'll need to test that and, if it's a problem, work in a solution.
- "softer looking rubble piles" - I find this phrase amusing.
- As before, the indentation for the various levels of the if's needs to be adjusted.
- There's some typos (like "drippin") and quite a few run-on sentences to be tidied up.
- Content-wise, I didn't see any issues in the new "xenoqueen" portions aside from...
- I don't care for having the generic Xenos 'talk', but that's my personal preference on the matter. That kind of undermines the 'relentless insect monsters', in my opinion. You've done a lot of work on all this though, so you can keep it as you prefer.
- Be sure to include '[ovichance]' where appropriate to have the game perform a random check to see if the player becomes impregnated. Should the player be on the receiving end of anal sex, you should use '[movichance]' for the MPreg-specific version.

I'll look at Celia next, but I need a bit of a break for now.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby Messorem » Mon Dec 08, 2014 8:09 pm

I cannot see why the creator of the xenos that in the game would constantly put eggs into you if they had the chance to not like egg laying as much to be at the same level of the erotic glory that is the xeno scenes... but no need to question people.

I see the error in the the desc and it will be fixed, as for the size of the wyverns are stated as "truck" sized and the mechs that were used in the movies were about as high as an average truck and while in the movies the mechs were slightly shorter than the queen and she still had a long body stretching out behind her which would put the scale of the wyvern versus queen at about average human versus a large horse which could make the "wrestling" part kinda plausible.

You make a good point about the desc for debugging.

You also make a good point about the Dex and the Sta, the super high intelligence is based on her huge cranial capacity and high speed telepathy between members of her hive but if it's really such a eyebrow raiser then it shall be bumped down a little.

The change of the players libido was put in by suggestion from you as you shall see if went a few pages back in this thread as it was put in as a counter measure for the first strike of monsters.

The xenos aren't actually speaking at all, there are residual traces of the telapathic ability still in the players head and makes the player able to "hear" the thoughts of the xenos as if they were talking to the player.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby TigerStripes » Tue Dec 09, 2014 7:21 am

- Thanks for spotting that bit in the Wyvern desc. That helps put things back into scale a bit. 'Truck' still covers a very wide range, but you're right that the queen could fall into that.
- Stats in the game are (or at least were initially) loosely based off of D&D-style stats, with 10-11 being human average and 18 being natural human maximum. If you want her to be hyper-intelligent, then go for the 20 - 25 range. That still makes her unnaturally intelligent with the rest of her mighty brain built for doing the telepathy instead of raw thought.
- As for the speaking, I know you mean it as telepathy, but the effect's the same. Again, that's just my opinion. Celia's explanation of the origin of this does help with this somewhat, now that I've gotten that far.
- I know the libido thing was mine. I was just clarifying that it would get confused between your special win and loss variations, which the skunk didn't have. Again, I'm not even sure if it'll be an issue, but if it is, we'll work something out. It'll just require a bit of hammer-level persuasion to the code.

Section 5.1 - Celia:
You'll need to designate Celia (and later Xanaria) as either a 'man', 'woman' or 'person'. In this case, we're referring to the Inform terminology and not their in-game gender. What this code is really doing is instructing Inform to 'add a person-type object called Celia to the game'.
Her description is made of two large run-on sentences. Breaking those up into a couple of chunks for the separate ideas would help.
To code in dialog, use this formatting.
Code: Select all
Instead of conversing Celia:
   say "Stuff.  Stuff.  Stuff.";

also:
Code: Select all
the fuckscene of Celia is "[sexwithCelia]";

to say sexwithCelia:
   say "Sex.  Sex.  Sex.";


- Checking back at the event to initially save her, it might be good to add a little bit more to show she's not too far gone and thus safe/worthwhile to bring back to the bunker. The clothes do help, but maybe a little something just after the player consents to getting involved or before she passes out. Maybe she tries to reason with the Xenos or motions/calls out in warning to the player about one of them trying to sneak up on them. Keep in mind that she's a lot more monstrous than the average stray the player brings home. Also, there could be a second request for player consent, asking if they actually want to risk bringing her to the bunker. A "You've seen those movies, after all." kind of thought moment.
- Don't initially include a location designation for Celia. If none's given, she's not placed anywhere until moved.
- Change 'celiahp' to 'hp of Celia'. That is one of several pre-made variables in Flexible Survival that all NPCs possess.
- There's more run-on sentences in her conversation/sex stuff. Stuff to be cleaned up during a fine-tuning pass.
- I believe Inform doesn't like formatting like 'if celiahp = 10:' and instead insists on 'if celiahp is 10:'
- Are you planning special sex scenes or new conversation results once the player's the hive queen? I see a [or][if xenovariant = 2][otherwise]<...>[end if] among the random conversation stuff, but there's nothing in it at present. Also, this would just be a single repeater. Do you plan a special scene for the first time the player comes over after their victory?
- It's a little hard to tell because of the lack of formatting, but it looks like you've got 'male/herm' to start, then broken down later into 'herm' and 'male' for the second half. During the male second half, you repeat the initial (male/herm) paragraph again. It's also hard to tell where the 'MPreg' part comes into things. We covered formatting before, so I know you'll sort that part out. Just be on the look-out for those duplicate paragraphs.
- For herms/males, it might be good to have her ask if it's alright to give the player her eggs. This'd both reinforce her inherent 'goodness/tameness' by giving (the player, at least) a choice in the matter and also allow players unwilling to get egg-filled to still fuck her.
- Since you have Celia offer fisting and inflation as alternate options for neuter players, you might think about later restructuring her sex to use the dynamic list options seen elsewhere. I strongly recommend leaving that for a later option though. Let's get this out the door and running first.

Section 5.2 - Xanaria

- Aside from breaking up the long sentences a little, the description's good.
- Ideally, there should be a [end if] to close out any [if] clause in a say statement. In this case, it's running until the end of the statement, so Inform will automatically assume the end goes there, but it's best to include it. That way, should anyone come along later, it's clear where breaks these breaks are.
- As mentioned before, the 'Throne Room' will need to be called something else. Don't forget to change it here to match.
- Also, 'hp of Xanaria' (see above).
- Also see above for setting up talking and fucking.
- The progression of Xanaria's conversation is broken. After talking to her the first time, xanariahp becomes 1. The next time you talk to her, it becomes 2. As there is no result for a value of 2, talking to her would result in nothing at all appearing. Also, since that one is only going to happen once, there's no need to give it a randomized result. Similar issues with the later parts. Given that this is also tied into her system, it's hard to tell what you want to occur when. Here's how I think you want it to work... maybe?... with a bit of added tweaking.
Code: Select all
instead of conversing Xanaria:
   if hp of Xanaria is 0 :
      say "'<first time dialog>";
      now xanariahp is 1;
   otherwise if hp of Xanaria < 3:
      say "[one of]Maybe you should relax a bit and pleasure me a little.[or]This cock isn't gonna suck itself.[or]What do you think of my glorious hive?  Surely it is better than yours.[or]Oh sure, just stand there while someone asks you for a service.[or]Why are you still here if you didn't want to join the hive?[or]If not to pleasure me, at least pleasure yourself so that I can watch.[at random]";
      if hp of Xanaria is 1:
         now hp of Xanaria is 2;
      otherwise if a random chance of 1 in 4 succeeds:
         increase hp of Xanaria by 1;   [random chance to grow bored with talking]
   otherwise if hp of Xanaria is 3:
      say "It seems Xanaria's grown tired of merely [']talking['] to this envoy.";
   otherwise if hp of xanaria is 4:
      say "'[one of]Wasn't servicing me better than your wildest dreams?  I can show you more if you submit to me.[or]How about next time I impregnate you, unless you don't have a cunt?  I can't really see what you have with all those clothes covering your body.[or]What is the purpose of clothes in these times anyway?  Are you trying to hold onto a forgotten past?[at random]";
      if a random chance of 1 in 3 succeeds, increase hp of Xanaria by 1;   [random chance she will wait no longer]
   otherwise if hp of xanaria is 5:
      say "<Player tries to talk further, but she feels the time for talk is long over.  She becomes aggressive in her desires, insisting they join her hive - fully, deeply and very sexually.>";
      say "[Xanariabattle]";
   otherwise if hp of xanaria >= 6:
      say "[one of]Oh your highness, my body is itching for your attention.[or]Why doesn't your royalness stay longer this time, your hive misses you?[or]Xera and Xoor have been enjoying their lives in the hive, and i'm sure you are taking very good care of and my daughter as well.[or]I hunger for your blessed fluids.[or]Don't worry about me starving or anything, there is loads of milk in the nursery and plenty of other captives to blow.[at random]";


Similarly then, with fucking Xanaria (and this gets into more guesswork/fiddling on my part):
Code: Select all
the fuckscene of Xanaria is "[sexwithXanaria]";

to say sexwithXanaria:
   if lastfuck of Xanaria - turns < 3:
      say "     [if xenovariant is 1]Xanaria, despite her words, is busy [']fulfilling her queenly duties['] at the moment and thus is occupied with her brood.   'What a slut you are,' he hisses with amusement.  'You should join my hive.'[otherwise]She tells you that she is still full from the last time and doesn't have enough energy to fulfill your request.[end if]";   
   otherwise if hp of Xanaria is 0:
      say "     Are you really just going to throw yourself at the mercy of such a huge creature without even speaking to it?";
   otherwise if hp of Xanaria is 1:
      say "     Are you really just going to throw yourself at the mercy of such a huge creature?";
   otherwise if hp of Xanaria is 2 or hp of Xanaria is 3:
      say "<first time sex - oral only>";
      now lastfuck of Xanaria is turns;
      now hp of Xanaria is 4;
   otherwise if hp of Xanaria is 4 or hp of Xanaria is 5:
      say "<Player approaches for sex again, but she becomes aggressive in her desires.  She insists they join her hive - fully, deeply and very sexually.>";
      say "[Xanariabattle]";
   otherwise:
      say "<fucking the sex-slave Xanaria>";
      now lastfuck of Xanaria is turns;

to say Xanariabattle:
   say "<opening to the scene... do you let her?>";
   if the player consents:
      say "<player consented, fucked into mindlessness - game over>";
      now hp of Xanaria is 99;   [ending for willingly joining]
      <game over>
   otherwise:
      say "<player refuses and fights back>";
      challenge "Xeno Queen";
      if fightoutcome >= 10 and fightoutcome <= 19:
         say "<player won outcome>";
         now hp of Xanaria is 6;
         now xenovariant is 2;
         <tf into queen, etc...>
         now lastfuck of Xanaria is turns;
      otherwise if fightoutcome >= 20 and fightoutcome <= 29:
         say "<player lost outcome - game over>";
         now hp of Xanaria is 100;   [ending for resisting and losing]
         <tf and game over stuff>
      otherwise:
         say "<player fled outcome - caught - game over>";
         now hp of Xanaria is 100;   [ending for resisting and losing]
         <tf and game over stuff>


What this does is:
- require the player to talk to her initially.
- allow for random 'let's have sex' / 'join my hive' messages.
- allow the player to bypass more talking later.
- makes note of the different results to allow for a different final ending (willing/unwilling).
- permit Xanaria to eventually get tired of just talk and insist on sex (first oral and later fucking).

This last point works by only incrementing the variable to 3 and 5 on a random chance. The changeover to 3 is delayed by a guaranteed stop at 2 first, meaning players will be able to talk to her at least twice (though an average of 3 times) before she gets weary of just talking. The changeover to 5 is faster, possibly taking only 1 more 'talk' (and averaging 1.5 'talks') before she's done talking. Any further and she'll try to force the player into sex - even skipping the normal lastfuck delay out of her frustration with the talkative 'scout'. Because the content for that procedure is within its own subroutine (to say Xanariabattle), we can go to it from either the talk scenes or via the sex scenes, allowing the player to foolishly suggest more sex with the queen, bypassing talking her ear off to trigger it.

- Also, include this (or a similar table if you make adjustments) towards the end of your file. Doing this for the various NPCs and their key variables really helps with debugging and making changes/additions later.

Code: Select all
[ hp of Xanaria ]
[ 0 = not met ]
[ 1 = intro talk ]
[ 2 = talked some more (sex offers) ]
[ 3 = weary of talking - must sex to continue ]
[ 4 = oral sex ]
[ 5 = Xanaria is fed up with talking - will insist on sex ]
[ 6 = Xanaria defeated ]
[ ... ]
[ 99 = player accepted hive ]
[ 100 = player forced into hive ]

[ xenovariant - player form/status ]
[ 1 = standard ]
[ 2 = xeno queen ]



I've not gone over the scenes for fucking Xanaria quite yet, focusing on the structure first. I'll pick things up there next.
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Re: Messorem Project: The Xeno Hive

Postby Messorem » Wed Dec 10, 2014 1:05 am

It seems the coding you're giving me is much more effective than what I initially put in, then again you do have much more experience than I do.

Sorry that I forgot the tables as it would've been of great help towards anyone trying to debug it, I will also change all "=" to "is".

That event will also get a bit more meat on its bones the next time.
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