YASD: Yet Another Survival Dev

YASD: Yet Another Survival Dev

Postby redscale » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:23 am

Hey all! Redscale here, another hopeful writer for the FS team. I've made my post in the New Writer Checkin a week or two ago, and I've been working on stuff for a little bit, chatting with Wahn in private for a little bit, so I figure it's time I make a thread of my own here. I might not be the most experienced coder or the most prolific writer, but I'm happy enough to have the chance to work on a game that's given me so much joy for a year or so now.

Currently, I'm mostly planning on fleshing out various NPCs and critters that have fallen a bit to the way-side. I'm working on Shawn, the ram you help out at McDermott Farm, right now. Since there wasn't a lot to really do with him once you helped him out, I'm more or less building him from the ground up. It's been a good experience so far, but I have a way to go still until he's at a position I'll be happy with. I know what I want to do with him, at this point it's mostly just filling it all out and making sure it works.

I figured I'd put my name out there, say hello to all you weirdos (it's ok to say if I'm one too, right?), and see what sort of discussion comes up. I'm generally content to lurk, otherwise, so I'm sort of forcing myself to put this out there, heh...

Anyways, yeah, good to be a part of things!
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Re: YASD: Yet Another Survival Dev

Postby Blue Bishop » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:35 am

Welcome aboard!

And I take such a declaration of deviance as only the most dignified badge of honour, friend!

Good luck, and it's Bring Your Own Tissues, for the uninitiated.
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Re: YASD: Yet Another Survival Dev

Postby TigerStripes » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:37 am

redscale wrote:<intro>

Welcome to the team. We look forward to seeing your work.
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Re: YASD: Yet Another Survival Dev

Postby redscale » Fri Sep 05, 2014 3:40 pm

Well, here's what I've been working on. It's rather WIP still, but I'd still like to share it and get feedback. My lack of Inform experience is showing fairly well, I'd say... but, eh, won't get anywhere if I just keep it to myself.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/lymwsntkbouji ... t.txt?dl=0

Again, I need to look over it and clean it a bit but I don't have time today for that unfortunately, so if some things are a bit off or incomplete it's mostly due to it still being generally in process. His first-time sex scene is completed (at least the submissive variant, a non-submissive variant will come soon) and he has a little back-story chat you can engage him in that's also complete. More to come, of course, but my time has been quite tight lately.

Anyways, here it is so far, if there's anything that needs to be said about it I'll probably read it tonight after work.
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Re: YASD: Yet Another Survival Dev

Postby Wahn » Sat Sep 06, 2014 5:48 am

Some notes:

- Do not let the text in if clauses and with a blank or . - you might catch an extra line break that way:
Better: "This is a [if x]test sentence[otherwise]example[end if]."

- I noticed a spot or two where you had identical starts for sentences or similar text blocks... for example:
"He guides you [...]. He lays out [...]"
"secluded little grassy knoll" and "our little secluded area"

- Flat out letting the player say something should be avoided. Better describe what the player does. Example:
"As you start panting and pleading for more, for him to fuck you, take you as his pet... he lets you speak your mind"

- You slipped into past tense at various spots in the sex scene... Please do make sure you're temporally consistent in the present.

- Close a [one of] with [at random]

- There is no "is >2" it either "is 2" or "> 2". Also, there needs to be a blank between </> and the number.

After doing some work to fix it up so the game compiles with Shawn in it, here's his file:
Shawn.rar
(12.02 KiB) Downloaded 192 times
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